Feeling funny...

Hello~

This is gonna be another one of my rambling all-over-the-place posts.. just lettin' you guys know..

These days I feel funny.. actually, I don't know exactly how to say it. I feel odd, queer, strange, idk... I feel like I can express myself better in Korean... maybe I'm using the totally wrong expression in Korean but 기분이 묘하다... 

A couple of reasons why I'm feeling this way:

1. High school is over, so I'm overwhelmed and confused with all the free time I have. I used to never have free time, like ever, and only lived on 4-5 hours of sleep a day because of studying, so having enough time to sleep AND do fun stuff is new.... and I'm clueless on what to do. I feel like the only thing I learned to do these past few years is study, so without any work to do, I feel useless because I can't really do anything. 

2. The more I think about college, the more I'm dreading it. Most of my friends are excited to study their respective majors, get involved in school, minor in stuff like business or a language, etc. I'm just nervous and not looking forward to the huge amounts of calculus and physics I'll have to study for my major, because those two subjects were the most difficult and least enjoyable for me this past year. T-T Everybody I talk to says that I won't have time to do anything like marching band or clubs or stuff if I continue to study my chosen major. -_-

3. I'm still struggling with my weight y'all. I'm going to try a new experiment, but getting to 50 kg by this week seems impossible. I'll fight to try to get at least 55 kg by graduation this week. :P But then I'll take it slow and try to get to 50 kg by the time I go visit my childhood friends. This is really saddening and depressing to me because I thought I would have the willpower to lose weight and become more healthy by graduation, but I blew it the past couple of days. My horrible metabolism doesn't exactly help either.. oh well.

4. There are so many things I want to do and so many hobbies I want to try, but it can't be done unless I lose my weight, which is already a struggle in itself. I also promised myself that I wouldn't do some stuff I really want to unless I lose my weight, as motivation. 

5. The whole Kris situation makes me a bit sad.. actually I've been down in the dumps ever since I found out..

Not my picture. Credits to YG Ent. 

Wahh 2NE1 looks so pretty here! and happy~ 

I remember I was never really into music until 2NE1 debuted.. back in 2009... I bought their album and would listen to their CD on my bulky, portable radio. I would have to play it really quiet though or else it would disturb my parents. This was before I got my first ever music player and headphones. But yeah... I loved "I don't care" and "In the club" and like all of their songs... Up until today they are my favorite kpop group~ ^o^ I thought Park Bom was soooo pretty in the album~ I always wanted to be as cool as her when I grew up. 

Maybe I'm thinking too much.. sometimes I'll talk to my friends and I get this sense that they're just nodding and agreeing because they don't understand but don't really want me to explain.. 

Hah! but yup.. oh lately I've been watching "Supersize vs. Superskinny" a lot, and so I've been observing what people eat around me. For example, today, I went to Costco and bought a hot dog, which comes with a drink. As I was eating it, I kinda looked at what people around me were eating, portion sizes etc, and yup it was interesting. The people to my right was your typical Asian parents eating together, and the mom and the dad shared a slice of pizza among the two of them, with no drinks. To the right, there was a grandma with her granddaughter, and the grandma ate a hot dog with a drink like me, and then right after, she bought a churros and ate that too, and then finished the remaining 3/4th of her granddaughter's hot dog, and then finished her drink and refilled it. To me, it was really interesting seeing the different portion sizes and stuff. Then I felt super guilty about eating my hot dog.. :P

If you could have a superpower, what would it be? I would either choose between time travelling, teleportation, or invisibility. I wish that with time travelling, I could have options, so for example, one option would be that I would time travel and see the past me doing stuff, but another option would be actually time travelling to the past and being inside my own body, changing my actions. Of course, there would be problems with all the inconsistencies and stuff, but it would be fun nonetheless. The first thing I would do is time travel back to when I was in middle school and tell myself that everything gets better, and that nobody cares about my huge insecurities, and that I should eat a ton so I get taller. 

I just really want a cat. A cat would really help in solving all of my problems.. I wish it would snuggle next to me when I sleep. I kinda want a dog too. :P

My new favorite cookie is Pim's orange biscuits. Sooooo goooood~ 

What have I done with my life these past few years?!?!

#firstworldproblems

I feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis at the end of high school... Idk guys.. I feel so useless and worthless right now. I don't even know how to parallel park. I can't even...

I'm pretty heavy.. my skin is getting worse.. ahh aigoo my insecurities.. 

'Til next time~